beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
