Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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