I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
