Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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