Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
