I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
bring money and cleavage
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
