What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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