When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
