you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
