If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
