Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
