dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You pole danced in your parka.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
