After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
