I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
