Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
