I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
