Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
