ya dads aren't the best wingmen
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Pooping to opera.
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