**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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