i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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