Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
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im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
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This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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