Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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