Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We just shotgunned beers for America
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
