My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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