the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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