Swine flu. Run for my life!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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