bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
