I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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