the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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