he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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