No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm at about main and main street
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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