forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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