she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
