Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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