Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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