On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
