Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
