I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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