you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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