Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
