Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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