shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
