It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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