i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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