i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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