everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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