she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
