Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
