evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
