I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I would fuck him just for his dog
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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