I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
