Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
