And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
