I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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