Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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