I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
