All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
