I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
