I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
