Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
