Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
