better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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