I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
