Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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